You damn kids…get off my lawn!!!

So, I am about to embark on a literary journey that will probably offend just about everyone.  I have decided that I am going to make a list of every single thing that either annoys me, or makes my world a bit less satisfying.   Rest assured, while doing this I will be DVRing my “stories” and then I have to wrap this up if I am going to get to “Old Country Buffet” by 4:30pm.  They are having Salisbury steak tonight…

I am also going to say, I am a hypocrite.  I am just as guilty as any of you for the following infractions against humanity:

Texting- Ok, so I am starting off with a whopper.  I text….we all text…even my 70 year old father texts me now.  Since he doesn’t know how to read the date or time of my past texts, he thinks I send him a new message everyday.  But I am getting off topic… For a one-off question/answer, I see the value of it.  But to have a friggin conversation annoys the fuck out of me!  Did you know they have developed a phone app that you can now dictate your messages into text form?  So….instead of calling, you speak into your phone, it translates to text and sends it to your best buddy.  Seems like a lot to go through to avoid a phone conversation…..unless you have a bunch of assholes as friends, why are we avoiding speaking to one another?

Short attention span- I think by now, just about all of us has been conditioned (through marketing or fast paced editing) to have the attention span of a……Hey, did you know Call of Duty: Black Ops came out today?

Reality TV- The original premise was brilliant.  The problem now is that we have gone so overboard with this that just about every b-hole in the world thinks that fame is achievable.  Douche bags now covet their douchebaggery in hopes of showing the world their mad skillz at being, well…douchey.  These shows have also killed network TV.  Why would NBC pay for a series that is not only original and well written when they can order another season of “Ow, My Balls!” for a fraction of the cost?

Tabloids- Sure these have been around for awhile, but it seems like this too has gotten out of control in the past few years.  Tabloid journalism has replaced legit journalism simply because we all like our news flashy, with balls and rarely with much truth to it. 

Napster- Ok, so this one is a little dated at this point, but I think we will see the results of this for many years.  Any fan of music cannot deny that Napster killed the industry (or at least the idea of Napster).  I really don’t hold this company solely responsible, but they really brought the idea of music piracy to the masses.  This one was unavoidable I think, but that won’t stop me from being bitter at the current state of the music business.

YouTube- This one was sort of split for me.  I think there is a lot of great content out there; that I am happy I can watch at any given point.  But, this is yet another avenue that gives a voice to all of the cretins out there.  When used for good YouTube is one of the greatest advances in our society, but when used for expressing opinions of the dull-minded…..it makes me want to sing “Chocolate Rain”

Jersey shore- See “Reality TV”.  This one just deserved its own category since so many people dressed up as these guidos this past Halloween.

Prescription drugs- We are now living in a world where all of our problems can be solved with one little pill.  Depression? We got ya…..Your rod isn’t working like it used to?  We have got you covered too!  Now, there are some cases where meds might keep someone from shooting up a 7-11 followed by marking up the walls in feces.  This I fully support.  But we have gotten to the point where if we have a bad day, we are diagnosed as being clinically depressed and given Prozac by your Dermatologist. 

Restaurant chains- This one really pisses me off!  Around the suburbs this is more prevalent I am sure, but it still needs to be addressed.  There was a time when you could go to a restaurant that was owned by someone in your community, and eat something you have never tried before.  Or maybe even a spin on something you already love.  But now, we get cookie cutter chains that offer a variety of “Extreme Shrimp Shooters” or some other lame attempt at fusing crap food with snazzy marketing.   The best pizza I have ever had was from a privately owned pizza place that recently closed down due to the economy.  Such a shame….

Disney- I probably don’t need to go into too much detail on this one, you all already know what I will say.  Crap shows that produce crap music that kids/teens seem to enjoy.  I was watching “Voltron” when I was in 8^th grade….my step-son is watching “iCarly”…UGH! 

American idol- What in the hell do these kids listen to?  They have been raised on such crap music that they actually think it is cool?  American Idol is just as much responsible for the decline of decent music as Disney is, IMO. 

No albums- Well, we are back in the 50’s apparently.  Back then, the music business relied solely on the “Single” to make their money.  It wasn’t until the Beatles came along and made an entire album filled with good music that the industry started to change into a more album-driven business.  Back then, the artists would put together a story, and the order of the songs actually mattered.  To this day, if I hear “We will Rock You” by Queen, I expect to hear “We are the Champions” right after it.  Name any song in the last 10 years that can do that?

Anyone under 40 who writes an autobiography- I am looking at you Justin Bieber….and not because you are dreamy.  This is of course an extreme example, but it does show the arrogance I am speaking of.  I don’t need to hear life lessons from anyone who has barely lived.  Besides Justin Bieber, if you are 25 and had a rough life, guess what?  There is more to come Junior!  Get back to me when you at least have a single grey hair in your head

Bike riders- These fucking assholes need to be crashed into…just once.  Cars=bigger.  So, pull up your spandex shorts and tighten up your gay helmet while weaving in front of me in traffic…you are going to die.

The following are lumped into one category, well let’s just call them:

AssHoles:  We all have that person on Face Book that rattles off all kinds of crap every 7 minutes.  Be it, religion, politics or some stupid opinion that matters to no one but themselves.  Here are the traits of that asshole that annoys me:

·         Disrespect of others religious & political views

·         Intolerance to anything that is outside of their own little world

·         Fear

·         Paranoia

·         Entitlement

·         Confusing opinion with facts

So….there we have it.  I hope you have enjoyed this weeks little blog, and if you disagree with anything I have said feel free to comment below.  I probably won’t read it, but I want you to feel good about yourself.

To learn more please check out:

Idiocracy 

 Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy

What I am watching this season- Fall 2010

Monday Night RAW- I am pretty sure starting with this one has ruined my street cred before we even begin.  There is a stigma attached to the WWE and anyone who watches it, so I automatically say this one under my breath.  My friends know I watch it and still ask “You know it’s fake, right?”.  Yeah assface, of course I know its fake!  I am also very aware how bad it can be at times.  BUT, if you really start watching, you will get sucked into the story lines and you will then see why so many trailer parks all tune in every Monday night for some RAW!!  Plus, the buildup to Wrestlemania alone usually makes up for a year of bad programming.

How I Met Your Mother-  This is relatively a new entry for me.  I didn’t really start appreciating this gem until late last season and I must say…it friggin rules!  Neil Patrick Harris plays the role of Barney with authority, and his comic  timing on this show made me forget about him being Doogie.  The writing is excellent, the entire cast gels up there with the best of the shows I have ever been a fan of in all of my years. 

Caprica- This one is bittersweet.  At the time of this writing it was announced there would not be a season two, and that they aren't even going to finish up the season in 2010.  The brain trust at SyFy (ugh I hate they renamed that channel), decided it will wait until 2011 to finish a series that is currently running.  They said this was due to budgetary reasons and the ratings weren't what they expected.  Well, no shit dumb-asses!!!  You expect people to wait forever for a series that needs time to grow??  Well, at least they will now have more money to make their SyFy produced movies, such as “Mansquito Part 2”.  So for those who are counting at home….

·         -The Pilot aired in August 2009

·         -After being picked up as a series, the next episode wasn’t seen until January 2010. 

·         -8 episodes in, SyFy decides to split up season one into 2 parts.  This occurs in March 2010

·         -7 months later, they continue season 1 on October 5^th.

·         -It is announced that they cancel the show and the will stop playing new episodes on Oct 26^th.

·         -With 4 episodes left in “Season 1” SyFy announces it “might” finish the series in 2011.  No date is given

·         So that is THREE calendar years for one single season.

·         -I forecast these episodes will never see the light of day on SyFy, but probably released on DVD/Blu-Ray later on.  Dumbasses….

Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time- I have set this to record on my DVR, and have only caught one episode so far.  His role on “Reno 911” as Super Terry was GOLD!  I chuckled a few times, but not a whole lot when I watched the first episode, so the jury is still out on this one.

South Park- This is a show that has been consistently funny to me since it debuted back in the mid nineties. The writing is always brilliant and topical, and they seem to keep it fresh even after all of these years.   Hard to believe it has been on the air for about 14 years now?!

Survivor: Nicaragua- If you are not a loyal Survivor fan then you will probably not get into it at this point.  Not that you really need to know anything about previous casts, but if you haven't watched by now you probably never will.  I think it is the only reality show on tv that is capable of still being captivating and can throw a curve ball week after week.  I have watched every season since the beginning, and will probably continue to do so for quite awhile.

Community- Ahhhh, this one has definitely grown on me since last year.  It started off ok, but has gotten better and better every episode.  The cast have all evolved into awesomely funny characters, and Joel McHale is now not the only reason I watch.  Hell, even Chevy Chase is funny again!! Abed may be the best new comic presence on a sitcom since….hmmm….Kramer?

30 Rock- Another show that I jumped on the bandwagon a little late.  I started watching two seasons ago, and yet another one that just keeps getting better.  An excellent cast, that all have their own strengths.  Even the smaller roles on the show have a voice. Oh, and check out Tina Fey in that pic?!?!  She is all kinds of "subtle hot".

The Office- Been a fan since day one (of the American version, but want to check out the Brits originator soon).  Steve Carell is great, and Dwight Schrute is now my favorite cast member (love that Recyclops episode).  I am not sure if the magic will still be there when Carell leaves the show later this year, but I am curious what they will do instead. 

The Soup- Joel McHale is the man…..enough said

Saturday Night Live- Even when this show is crap, I still watch it.   Throughout the years there have been many peaks and valleys with SNL, and people always seem to say “This season sucks, last year was WAY better”.  Well, that same person told me the exact same thing last year, so I guess either his memory is shit or the show has definitely gotten worse year after year.  I like it, and usually there are a couple of sketches on each show that make up for it. But lately….ENOUGH KRISTEN WIIG!!!!  Talk about over exposure!!!!

Boardwalk Empire- This one was a very nice surprise when I watched the pilot.  It helped that the first episode was directed by Martin Scorsese and I am a big Steve Buscemi fan.  BUT, I have noticed my interest waning lately.  I can’t really put my finger on why quite yet, but I guess I am a little bored.  I haven't given up yet though…..

*Bonus – Howard Stern On-Demand- I included this because I watch the hell out if it!   I’m a big Stern fan and cant get enough of the On Demand shows.  You get the best of the week, and even old stuff from back in the day.  HIGHLY recommend this pay service on Cable if you love Stern…BABA BOOEY!!!

Roger Waters "The Wall" 2010 Concert Review

I have been a Pink Floyd fan for many years, which isn't really saying much since the majority of their fan base consists mostly of old stoners who still wear jean jackets and hiking boots.  Not that I am being snobby, but I didn’t want you to think I thought it was some kind of exclusive club that you can not be a part of. 

I actually didn’t purchase my tickets to Roger Waters, “The Wall 2010” until 4 days before the show.  I was definitely interested in the idea of it all, but wasn’t sure if it would be just another last ditch effort by an aging rock star to do one last “cash-in” by raping the fans of all the money he could get away with. 

It also didn’t help that I wasn’t too impressed with Waters singing performance during the “Live 8” reunion with the other members of Floyd. He truly sounded like an old man when he sang, and David Gilmore blew him out of the waters (get it?  Waters?? I’m so effing clever).

Needless to say, I ended up going out to see what kind of tickets I could get.  When I saw the prices for even mediocre seats, all of my suspicions seemed to be coming true.  $125 for the section right next to the stage but with an obstructed view?!  And, since I was bringing the wife AND we would be drinking that night…..all the sudden I am looking at a $350 night!!!!  (We drink premium cocktails and tend to order doubles, yeah…. we don’t fuck around).  After some more searching, I found some seats waaaay up high that were $87 each.  I figured there would be an elaborate stage production, so being high up for this concert might be ok.  I bought them and we fast forward to Friday night…..

The seats weren’t actually that bad, and we could definitely see almost the entire stage.  Early on, we noticed a homeless looking man pushing a cart around the floor section. I asked the wife, “How can he afford floor seats?  And, did he have to buy a ticket for his shopping cart?”.  Anyway, turns out he was part of the show as he made his way to the stage and then went back stage.  Not sure what he was yelling, but people seemed to be reacting to whatever he was yelling.  At that point, the intro music started that was in the movie.  You can probably find better footage, but here is a shot comparable to where I was sitting, ala YouTube.  For added awesomeness, make sure to watch the last 30 seconds for a pretty cool plane crash!

The entire arena went batshit insane and I knew right then that I had not wasted my money.  Even my wife, who isn't much of a Floyd fan, couldn’t believe what she was seeing.  It was total eye candy, and they did not skimp on the sets, pyro or anything else in the production.  The way they utilized the beginnings of the Wall set on each side with plenty of video images being projected on to it, was brilliant! 

Musically, I couldn’t have been happier.  I figured Waters would have an excellent band to back him up, but his vocals were nothing like I had heard on the Live 8 reunion footage I saw.  He was hitting every note just as he did back when he originally recorded this album.  I knew this night was going to be special.

I was going to post a set list, but he did the entire album exactly how it was recorded with some additional songs that were in the movie.  So, google that shit…..

During each song, stage hands were building up the wall brick by brick, which would finally leave one final space open where Waters would sing the final song off of Part 1.

Every single song on the first album went off without a hitch and stayed true to the recordings.  They actually took an intermission after, which was pretty awesome considering all of the visuals being presented. Act one ended as Waters uttered the word "goodbye" at the end of "Goodbye Cruel World".  A very nice place to take a break and it gave us time to soak it all in (plus pee and get another drink).  

We returned to our seats after waiting in line 15 minutes for a cocktail and were ready for round 2.  The second act was just as good as the first, and the use of many stage props so far was unbelievable.  A giant inflated "headmaster", "mother" & "Vera" all made appearances during the show.  And an unbelievable amount of light show/projected movies on the the wall were incredible. 

It is truly difficult to pass on the amount of badassedness that took place that night.  I HIGHLY recommend going to see this show if it comes to your town, and would also say, don't worry too much about sitting close.  I enjoyed the hell out of being able to see the entire stage from a distance, and think sitting closer would take away from that.

Until I come up with a more creative rating process, I give this show a major A+.  So now, you must go to YouTube and enter "Roger Waters The Wall 2010" and you can see just a morsel of how cool this show turned out to be.  

That is all for now.... 

“Fallout – New Vegas” Review

Ok, I’m not going to beat around the bush on this one….SUCKED!  Let me start off by saying that I am not a Fallout franchise fan, only because the game never really appealed to me.  So, when I saw a copy of the game at Blockbuster the day it was released, I decided to give it a shot.

The game starts off with your character being shot and almost killed.  Talk about a bummer way to start a game?!?  Anyway, you are revived by a Dr and then are able to do character customizations.  This includes your look, your attributes and other special skills.  At one point you are asked by the Dr. to answer some pretty random psychological questions.  I guess these are designed to predetermine what your abilities should be in comparison to some kind of template.  Anyhoo, I didn’t like how mine ended up, so I manually changed my scores (does that mean I don’t like myself??)

After this tedious process, ( and I warn you, I will be saying the shit out of the word “tedious” during this review) you are then able to walk out into the town where the story begins…..

Now I don’t know about you people, but when I have a gun and I see some no-name character walking around aimlessly in a game, I tend to shoot them.  Well, I suggest you avoid that in this game.  After I shot some random townsperson once, anywhere I went in the town I was immediately gunned downed at first site.  And the thing that really sucks is they have far superior fire-power!!  Even with my difficulty set to the lowest setting possible (I do this for new games until I get the hang of it), I could not get away from being shot and killed every time I would respawn. 

Now I can hear what some of you might be saying….”it’s more realistic that way, if you entered a small western-type of town and shot at someone, that is what would happen”.  “Well fuck you, buddy” is my response!   I get that there should be consequences for my actions, but dammit I should be able to catch a break at the beginning of the friggin game!!!  Anyway, I finally found a way to get away from the angry mob  and run out of town which reset my standing.  How fast they forget….

Mind you, all of this was in the span of a single hour of game play.  The running around is…what’s the word….tedious?   Yeah, that’s it. 

So, I continued with the story mode, and found quickly that I hate interactive dialogue in a game released in 2010.  Hey it was fun back on the old IBM in 1987, but come on!  If I want text-based adventure games, I will play “Zork” or “Pirate Adventure”!!!  Well, I found that every major character you meet in this game will require 5-10 minutes of clicking on questions and answers…..UGH.

Next, more running with your guide.  You meet some chick who teaches you how to survive in  the Fallout world.  Not sure why every destination needs to be so far away for training, but be prepared to do some (what’s the word?) tedious running all over the town perimeter. 

As I was running, I noticed every 20 seconds or so, the screen would glitch.   I thought maybe it was something with my rig so I eventually restarted the PS3 and restarted my game.  For one, the glitch did NOT go away.  Secondly, even after I saved my spot I was put back in the “Saloon” and had to begin my training from scratch….WTF?!?!?!

At this point I was already losing my patience with this game and I hadn't even begun the real storyline.  Not a good sign…..

So, I went ahead and restarted the training process and then guess what happens.   The entire game locks up on me!!!!!!!!  I had definitely had enough at this point and turned the damn thing off. 

Found this on YouTube, so I know it wasnt just me:

So, while my review is incomplete…I feel that if I do not like a game after playing for more than an hour, and never even scratched the surface of any real storyline…..it will get returned a day early to Blockbuster.  

I don’t always have time to play games like I used to, so I want my gratification to be pretty instantaneous.  I know..I ask too much…

Anyhoo…I rate this game as being “Radioactive – Avoid all Contact”

OUT!

You must have clicked the wrong link to get here

Hello and welcome to my first ever, blog.  Who am I?  Who fucking cares?!  How many b-holes out there review crap under an anonymous name and get props for it?  Really...I am asking......anyone there?  Well, I'm sure there are a lot, so what is one more 37 year old man-boy going to hurt? 

All you really need to know about me for the purposes of reading my highly entertaining take on things, is that I am:
-37
-Married
-A lifelong Star Wars/Superhero/GI Joe/He-Man type of nerd
-A drummer in a pretty successful local cover-band
-I have more TV watching hours logged than anyone in my family combined.
-Have been playing video games most of my life....arcades/Pong/Radio Shack Tandy TRS-80 (now THAT is old-school, my friends).  Now a loyal PS3 owner

A few things to get out of the way....

My spelling and grammar suck. 
When I am writing, I tend to go full force creatively and do not always adhere to the "traditional" rules of grammar (those were really just suggestions though, weren't they??).  I think if I were to think too much about it, I may obsess over it and then the content will suffer.  And this is VERY important stuff I will be writing about.  So, hopefully that was a preemptive strike on all of you spelling Nazi's out there. 

Your feedback/comments are welcome, but I probably won't agree with you
I have decided, just on principle...that none of you know what the hell you are talking about. 

Gotta get my groove on
So, you have by now figured out that I am no writer by any means.  I dabbled in short stories in my teen years, mostly sci-fi stories that I blatantly ripped off of others stories I had read.   So, it may take me a few of these before I find the "voice" I am looking for. 

Anyway, that's enough apologies for something I havent even done yet.  If anyone even reads this it will be an effing miracle.

This concludes my first blog.  I assure you I will strive for excellence moving forward.....