So, I am about to embark on a literary journey that will probably offend just about everyone. I have decided that I am going to make a list of every single thing that either annoys me, or makes my world a bit less satisfying. Rest assured, while doing this I will be DVRing my “stories” and then I have to wrap this up if I am going to get to “Old Country Buffet” by 4:30pm. They are having Salisbury steak tonight…
I am also going to say, I am a hypocrite. I am just as guilty as any of you for the following infractions against humanity:
Texting- Ok, so I am starting off with a whopper. I text….we all text…even my 70 year old father texts me now. Since he doesn’t know how to read the date or time of my past texts, he thinks I send him a new message everyday. But I am getting off topic… For a one-off question/answer, I see the value of it. But to have a friggin conversation annoys the fuck out of me! Did you know they have developed a phone app that you can now dictate your messages into text form? So….instead of calling, you speak into your phone, it translates to text and sends it to your best buddy. Seems like a lot to go through to avoid a phone conversation…..unless you have a bunch of assholes as friends, why are we avoiding speaking to one another?
Short attention span- I think by now, just about all of us has been conditioned (through marketing or fast paced editing) to have the attention span of a……Hey, did you know Call of Duty: Black Ops came out today?
Reality TV- The original premise was brilliant. The problem now is that we have gone so overboard with this that just about every b-hole in the world thinks that fame is achievable. Douche bags now covet their douchebaggery in hopes of showing the world their mad skillz at being, well…douchey. These shows have also killed network TV. Why would NBC pay for a series that is not only original and well written when they can order another season of “Ow, My Balls!” for a fraction of the cost?
Tabloids- Sure these have been around for awhile, but it seems like this too has gotten out of control in the past few years. Tabloid journalism has replaced legit journalism simply because we all like our news flashy, with balls and rarely with much truth to it.
Napster- Ok, so this one is a little dated at this point, but I think we will see the results of this for many years. Any fan of music cannot deny that Napster killed the industry (or at least the idea of Napster). I really don’t hold this company solely responsible, but they really brought the idea of music piracy to the masses. This one was unavoidable I think, but that won’t stop me from being bitter at the current state of the music business.
YouTube- This one was sort of split for me. I think there is a lot of great content out there; that I am happy I can watch at any given point. But, this is yet another avenue that gives a voice to all of the cretins out there. When used for good YouTube is one of the greatest advances in our society, but when used for expressing opinions of the dull-minded…..it makes me want to sing “Chocolate Rain”
Jersey shore- See “Reality TV”. This one just deserved its own category since so many people dressed up as these guidos this past Halloween.
Prescription drugs- We are now living in a world where all of our problems can be solved with one little pill. Depression? We got ya…..Your rod isn’t working like it used to? We have got you covered too! Now, there are some cases where meds might keep someone from shooting up a 7-11 followed by marking up the walls in feces. This I fully support. But we have gotten to the point where if we have a bad day, we are diagnosed as being clinically depressed and given Prozac by your Dermatologist.
Restaurant chains- This one really pisses me off! Around the suburbs this is more prevalent I am sure, but it still needs to be addressed. There was a time when you could go to a restaurant that was owned by someone in your community, and eat something you have never tried before. Or maybe even a spin on something you already love. But now, we get cookie cutter chains that offer a variety of “Extreme Shrimp Shooters” or some other lame attempt at fusing crap food with snazzy marketing. The best pizza I have ever had was from a privately owned pizza place that recently closed down due to the economy. Such a shame….
Disney- I probably don’t need to go into too much detail on this one, you all already know what I will say. Crap shows that produce crap music that kids/teens seem to enjoy. I was watching “Voltron” when I was in 8th grade….my step-son is watching “iCarly”…UGH!
American idol- What in the hell do these kids listen to? They have been raised on such crap music that they actually think it is cool? American Idol is just as much responsible for the decline of decent music as Disney is, IMO.
No albums- Well, we are back in the 50’s apparently. Back then, the music business relied solely on the “Single” to make their money. It wasn’t until the Beatles came along and made an entire album filled with good music that the industry started to change into a more album-driven business. Back then, the artists would put together a story, and the order of the songs actually mattered. To this day, if I hear “We will Rock You” by Queen, I expect to hear “We are the Champions” right after it. Name any song in the last 10 years that can do that?
Anyone under 40 who writes an autobiography- I am looking at you Justin Bieber….and not because you are dreamy. This is of course an extreme example, but it does show the arrogance I am speaking of. I don’t need to hear life lessons from anyone who has barely lived. Besides Justin Bieber, if you are 25 and had a rough life, guess what? There is more to come Junior! Get back to me when you at least have a single grey hair in your head
Bike riders- These fucking assholes need to be crashed into…just once. Cars=bigger. So, pull up your spandex shorts and tighten up your gay helmet while weaving in front of me in traffic…you are going to die.
The following are lumped into one category, well let’s just call them:
AssHoles: We all have that person on Face Book that rattles off all kinds of crap every 7 minutes. Be it, religion, politics or some stupid opinion that matters to no one but themselves. Here are the traits of that asshole that annoys me:
· Disrespect of others religious & political views
· Intolerance to anything that is outside of their own little world
· Fear
· Paranoia
· Entitlement
· Confusing opinion with facts
So….there we have it. I hope you have enjoyed this weeks little blog, and if you disagree with anything I have said feel free to comment below. I probably won’t read it, but I want you to feel good about yourself.
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So, you won't read my comment...who is the asshole now? ;)
ReplyDeleteJust kidding with you and you know it.
I do agree especially on the Justin Bei-howthefuckyousayitname-ber and yes, that was spelled correctly. You write an autobiography at that persons age, you still have a long life ahead of you. I know, I am only 28 and there are things I can tell you, however, I ain't gonna write an autobiography about it...tis why I also have a blog.
American Idol, agree with you there as well as most of what you put down, minus the Facebook thing. I do put up quite a bit of Status Updates but I do it all through Twitter...which is linked to my Facebook...you want to bitch and moan more, then look at people who Tweet! ;)
Great article as usual. :)